A Diary Entry From Isolation
Em is a stylist at Bob, who also writes some of the words you read on the Journal. These are her thoughts on life before, during and after isolation.
21 days later, and nothing is more evident to me than that we need each other.
Humans. Weird creatures. We love to hate, we hate to love. We fight and we kill each other and we feel so much emotional pain it translates into physical. We love so hard we feel we might just explode. A broken heart can kill you. Weird, wonderful creatures - I miss them.
Bob closed our doors in the interest of safety, and I have no reservations. I know I need to stay home - but I didn’t anticipate the loss I would feel. I’ve come to realise I have been in mourning without knowing. It’s only a see you soon, but it feels like a goodbye to the life I knew. Everything I clung to for a sense of normalcy has changed, and there’s no telling when it will end.
I miss my friends. I miss my work family. I miss going to the pub for a pint. I miss going out for brunch on Sundays, and lying in the park with a picnic. I miss big family catch-ups, and kissing my grandparents on the cheek. I miss driving out of Melbourne for the weekend and feeling like I’ve left the country. I miss daydreaming of travel and planning holidays. I miss big bear hugs from friends you haven’t seen in a while. I miss walking by strangers without looking the other way, and buying vegetables without a plastic glove on, and not sanitising in fear after pushing a pedestrian crossing button.
Missing piece of the puzzle: Co-founder Amanda Berry.
All of the things that are keeping us safe are pushing us further apart.
I have acknowledged that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel the empty space.
But now I will fill it.
Pictured: Em’s neighbour’s cat Pierre, curious about her paints.
If I was at work I’d be wishing for a holiday - now I have one. Sure, I can’t go anywhere. But I can paint and write and sleep and cook and watch Netflix and learn a language and laugh and cry and soon I can go back to work. I’m grateful for my holiday, I’m grateful for my health and for the health of my loved ones.
An friend shared with me these four questions -
What do you miss?
What don’t you miss?
What will you return to?
What will you leave behind?
I’ve acknowledged what I miss - but I don’t miss the traffic, or the honking horns, or the angry drivers. I don’t miss always feeling compelled to go to things in case they’re more fun than staying home, and finding they’re actually not. I will leave behind the great indoors, because I really like being outside. I will return to a life I am so grateful for, but it won’t be as full of noise. I’ve found the quiet to be just as important.
21 days later, and nothing is more evident to me than that we need each other.
Now more than ever it is so important to connect - connect with your friends, family, employer, neighbour. Yourself. We are so blessed to be living through a pandemic in an age of technology. Accessibility is at our fingertips for checking in, chatting, sharing love.
Call your friends, call your family. And when this is all over, hug them. Hug me. I’m so excited to see everyone.
See you soon.
Em
Mental health services are available for anyone struggling to cope with COVID-19, or just struggling.
Headspace
Beyond Blue
Lifeline or call 13 11 14
Thumbnail image is via Melbourne Illustrator Antra Švarcs. Instagram @antra.svarcs